Anger is often the smoke: A reflection

क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोहः सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रमः।

स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात् प्रणश्यति॥

(Bhagavad Gita 2.63)

Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined.

Anger can feel like strength.

Like clarity.

Like protection.

For a long time, I believed anger made me alert, aware, untouchable. It signaled that someone had crossed a line or disrespected something I valued. It felt righteous.

But over the years, I started to see that anger was rarely the root.

It was the smoke.

Underneath it, there was always something more tender. Something I would hide,

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Enquiry: What Anger Protects

I began to ask myself new questions:

What if anger is not the first emotion?

What if it’s the last one — the one that arrives to cover everything else?

Beneath the fire, I found:

• fear of being misunderstood or dismissed

• sadness I never gave language to

• loneliness behind a strong exterior

• parts of me learning self-worth

• boundaries I hadn’t known how to set

• a fear of losing control of the narrative

Anger rose to defend these places.

It became the ego’s armor, whispering:

“The problem isn’t me. The problem is them.”

That belief made me feel safe.

But it also made introspection impossible.

It made blame feel easier than the truth.

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Revelation: What Yoga Taught Me

Patanjali writes:

तदा द्रष्टुः स्वरूपेऽवस्थानम् (Yoga Sutra 1.3)

In the stillness of the mind, the Seer rests in their true nature.

I learned that stillness is not escape.

Stillness is clarity.

It’s where anger softens enough for truth to surface.

When I paused instead of reacting:

• the breath slowed

• the nervous system steadied

• the body spoke a language I had ignored

• the message under the anger became visible

This is where anger became information rather than identity.

A messenger, not a personality trait.

A doorway, not a wall.

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5 Years of Reflection: Meeting My Own Fire

This understanding wasn’t intellectual.

It was lived.

In the last five years, I’ve met parts of myself I wasn’t proud of. The parts that reacted too quickly. The parts that wanted control. The parts that feared being wrong. The parts shaped by childhood pain and unexamined beliefs.

I also held space for other people’s anger — sometimes gently, sometimes to my own detriment. I tried to understand before being understood. I internalized blame that was never mine. I learned how empathy becomes self-harm when it requires self-abandonment.

There came a point where holding space started to cost me my peace.

And yoga reminded me:

Ahimsa — non-harm includes not harming myself

Satya — truth is self-honesty before it is diplomacy

Asteya — I cannot steal from my own peace to keep someone else comfortable

I cannot grow for someone else.

I cannot force someone to meet their reflection.

I cannot heal a wound I didn’t create.

Letting go is not a lack of love.

It is the presence of clarity.

Growth isn’t always adding.

Sometimes growth is removal.

Sometimes growth is release.

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Practice: A Way Back to Self

Prana Mudra Pranayama: for nervous system balance and emotional clarity

To learn this practice book a 15 min session with me. Home

(You will find a link to book a free session with me)

Why it helps

• interrupts the fight-or-flight loop

• creates space between stimulus and reaction

• brings breath back into the body’s center

• supports emotional digestion

• reminds the mind that it is not in danger

Over time, practice creates a new pathway:

I can feel anger without becoming anger.

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Integration: What I Know Now

Anger is not wrong.

Anger is not shameful.

Anger is not a sign that you are failing at being spiritual, yogic, or mindful.

Anger is a map.

It points to the wound.

It shows you what matters.

It asks you to look again.

But anger is not meant to lead.

Not for long.

So now, I meet it like an old teacher:

“Thank you for showing me where it hurts.

Thank you for showing me what still needs care.”

And then, I let breath lead me home.

Because anger is often the smoke.

The root is where the healing waits.

In stillness.

In honesty.

In choosing peace without apology.

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If this resonates…

You’re welcome to explore this work with me at BreathePower Yoga Studio, Naperville.

Private sessions | Small groups | Trauma-informed yoga| Emotional regulation tools

📩 admin@breathepoweryoga.net

Your growth doesn’t have to be loud.

Sometimes the most powerful transformation happens in quiet, consistent reflection.